Healing from Sexual Trauma
What Happened to You Wasn’t Your Fault
Sexual trauma can be the result of a variety of experiences. Through no fault of your own, you may have suffered from:
- Any unwanted sexual touching
- Incest or childhood sexual abuse
- Rape or attempted rape
- Sexual contact that is coerced or forced under the threat of violence
- Sexual harassment or boundary violations
- Being groomed or manipulated into sexual activity
According to the CDC, more than 1 in 4 women and almost 1 in 13 men have experienced sexual abuse during childhood. It might have only happened once or over a period of time, and most likely you knew your abuser — though sometimes it can be a relative stranger.
At times the aftermath could be even worse if you found that the people who were supposed to be there for you or protect you — parents, family members, police, friends — weren’t there or weren’t helpful. Maybe you were blamed, doubted, or told to “move on.” The effects can be devastating.
In spite of all of this, you’ve been moving forward in the best way you know how and you’ve learned to adapt and survive.
How Sexual Trauma Shows Up in Your Life
Take your time reading this section if you need to. It’s okay to pause, take a look around the room, or come back to it later. You’re in control.
Sexual trauma doesn’t just affect your relationship with sex — it affects your relationship with your body, yourself, and other people. You might be struggling in some of these ways:
With Sex and Intimacy:
- You’ve completely banished sex from your life in an attempt to forget all about what happened
- Sex feels disconnected or numb — you go through the motions but aren’t really present
- You dissociate or “leave your body” during sex
- You freeze up when things start to feel sexual, even when you want to be intimate
- You find yourself doing things sexually that you later regret or that don’t feel right
- It’s hard to figure out ways to connect with other people other than through sex
With Your Body:
- You feel disconnected from your body or like it’s not really yours
- You can’t tell what you’re feeling physically or emotionally
- You have a hard time knowing what feels good versus what doesn’t
- You don’t trust your body’s signals or instincts
- You feel shame about your body or sexuality
- Physical touch feels threatening, even when it’s safe
With Boundaries:
- You have trouble saying “no” even when you want to
- You’re not sure what your boundaries are or if you’re allowed to have them
- You say “yes” when you mean “no” because it feels safer or easier
- You swing between having rigid walls up and having no boundaries at all
- You feel responsible for other people’s feelings or needs at the expense of your own
With Trust and Relationships:
- It’s hard to let people get close to you
- You keep people at arm’s length to protect yourself
- You find yourself in relationships that repeat familiar painful patterns
- You have a hard time trusting your judgment about people
- You’re always waiting for the other person to hurt you or leave
With Emotions:
- You find yourself taking out your anger at loved ones or turning it in on yourself
- You feel numb or shut down much of the time
- Emotions feel too big and overwhelming
- You carry shame, guilt, or the sense that you’re damaged or “dirty”
- You blame yourself even though you know logically it wasn’t your fault
If you recognized yourself in any of these, you’re not alone — and there is a path forward. You don’t have to do this alone.
What Makes Sexual Trauma Different
Sexual trauma carries particular challenges because it:
- Violates boundaries at the most intimate level. It affects your sense of safety in your own body and your ability to trust yourself and others.
- Often involves betrayal by someone you knew or trusted. When the person who hurt you was supposed to care for you or protect you, it can shake your foundation of trust.
- Can create confusion about desire, pleasure, and consent. Your body might have responded in ways that felt confusing or shameful, making it hard to sort out what you actually want versus what was done to you.
- Lives in your body, not just your mind. You might understand intellectually that it wasn’t your fault, but your body still holds the memory — the bracing, the freeze, the feeling of being unsafe.
This is why talk therapy alone often isn’t enough. To heal from sexual trauma, we need to work with the body.
You Deserve to Heal — And You Can
If the last section felt heavy, take a moment here. Notice your breath. You’re safe right now.
I want you to feel more at peace in your body, more in control of your emotions. Our work together can help you to know your boundaries and feel empowered to set them during sex, in romantic relationships, or with family and friends or at work. I can help you to learn how to let your guard down sometimes and let safe people in.
You deserve to be able to trust yourself again and to fully own your needs and desires. You deserve to experience pleasure without shame or fear. You deserve to feel safe in your own skin. Together we can make this happen.
The good news is that you have the ability to heal already inside of you, with a little guidance. It may be one of the most challenging things you’ve done, but it will be so worth it. And you’ve had to go through hard things in the past, so you know you’ve got the resilience inside you to do this.
In the words of Peter Levine, “Trauma is a fact of life but it does not, however, have to be a life sentence.” Healing from sexual trauma offers the opportunity for transformation.
What to Expect from Sexual Trauma Therapy
Working with survivors of childhood sexual abuse and sexual assault is one of my specialties. Together we will create a safe space for you to process your past and restore resiliency. I draw from Somatic Experiencing (SE), attachment theory, and parts work to help you heal.
This Process is Gentle — You’re in Charge
You will see that this process can be very gentle — you get to set the pace. Whatever trauma you’ve experienced, it was done without much care or concern for your own needs, wants, desires, or boundaries. Our work together is to help you understand and advocate for all of these by helping you connect more to and be present in your body.
You decide what to share and when. We never push. We don’t require you to tell me every detail of what happened. In fact, sometimes going over the story repeatedly can re-traumatize you. With SE, we can work with what happened without you having to relive it.
How Somatic Experiencing Helps with Sexual Trauma
Reconnecting with Your Body’s Wisdom Sexual trauma often causes us to disconnect from our bodies as a survival mechanism. Through gentle body-based techniques, we help you gradually come back into your body at a pace that feels safe. We work with sensations, breath, and awareness to help you feel more at home in yourself.
Completing Interrupted Responses Your body wanted to fight back, push away, or escape, but couldn’t. We give your nervous system the opportunity to complete those protective responses that got stuck. This can release the activation that’s been held in your body and help you feel more empowered and less stuck.
Restoring Your Sense of Agency and Choice Trauma takes away your choice. In our work together, you have choice at every step. You choose what we talk about, how much to feel, when to pause. This experience of being in charge — of having your “no” respected and your “yes” honored — is itself healing.
Rebuilding Trust in Your Body’s Signals Sexual trauma can disconnect you from your body’s signals about what feels safe, what feels good, what’s a “yes” and what’s a “no.” We work carefully to help you tune back in to your body’s wisdom, to strengthen your ability to sense what’s right for you.
Working with Boundaries We pay close attention to helping you feel your boundaries — not just think about them, but feel them in your body. What does a “yes” feel like? What does a “no” feel like? We practice honoring these signals, which helps you set boundaries in your life outside of therapy.
Addressing Shame Shame is one of the most painful legacies of sexual trauma. In our work together, we create a space where all of you is welcome — your anger, your confusion, your grief, your numbness. There’s nothing about you or your experience that’s too much or shameful to bring into the room.
Common Fears About Starting Therapy
“What if I have to talk about all the details?” You don’t. We can work with the impact trauma has had on your body and nervous system without requiring you to recount every detail of what happened.
“What if I fall apart?” We go slowly and carefully. We build resources and safety first. The goal is never to overwhelm you but to help you expand your capacity a little at a time.
“What if I can’t trust you?” That’s completely understandable. Trust is something we build over time, and you get to go at your own pace. You’re in control of what you share and when.
“What if nothing helps?” You’ve survived this far, which means you have resilience. Sometimes it just takes the right approach and the right support. SE offers a different pathway — one that works with your body’s natural healing capacity.
A Sex-Positive, Trauma-Informed Approach
Inspired by the works of Emily Nagoski, Esther Perel, and Staci Haines, I am committed to keeping a sex-positive lens throughout our work together. This means:
- There’s no “right” way to experience sexuality
- Healing isn’t about returning to who you were “before” — it’s about becoming who you want to be now
- Your relationship with sex and intimacy is yours to define
- All feelings about sex — desire, fear, ambivalence, anger — are welcome
- You deserve pleasure, connection, and joy
You’re Not Broken — Your System is Stuck
Sexual trauma can make you feel fundamentally broken or damaged. But the truth is, you’re not broken. Your nervous system is stuck in protective patterns that made sense given what happened to you.
With the right support, you can:
- Feel safe in your body again
- Trust your instincts and judgment
- Set and maintain boundaries that feel right for you
- Experience intimacy without fear or disconnection
- Access pleasure without shame
- Know what you want and feel empowered to ask for it
- Let safe people in while keeping unsafe people out
You deserve to reclaim your body, your sexuality, and your sense of self. If you want to learn how to trust yourself more, I’d love to help. Please contact me for a free 20-minute consultation.